The New Norm

Ok so first of all....

No, it didn't take me 40 years to realize my life and everything in and around it functions 

with the twist of ADD.....

however, please don't ever tell me mother that I finally surrender!!!

I admit there are so many clear indications that I am in fact ADD and I live in an ADD world.

Case and point, this blog.

The sporadic entries would suggest to anyone that sees the "pattern," of which there is none,

I do not abide by a set structure.

I believe I now see the connection as to why....

Before we travel that road please allow me to back up a bit and lay some ground work.

Growing up the daughter of 2 therapists

 (1 who happens to be hyper-anxious to diagnose any and everyone!)

I always thought ADD was a bad thing. 

I hated stories of people who would seek out a therapist only to then continue the detrimental behavior with a new definition of why.

That is why I always fought the diagnosis!!

But, now I see so clearly....

My ADD is in fact the very thing that allows me to operate in the day to day.

I was created with such an overload of feeling that it has taken me all of my 40 years, and no doubt will take all of my years left to live, to truly understand how to harness and express my feelings in a productive and healthy way.

I don't just wear my feelings on my sleeve, my feelings are every inch of my skin. 

I feel so deeply and passionately that my feelings are that tangible.

I realize as I continue to travel through my story that in order to keep from completely shutting down I need my ADD for a bit of reprieve.

Not only do I feel deeply for myself, but I feel for those I love and even strangers I have never met. 

There is so much beauty in this world and yet so much evil as well.

Just as anyone who wishes to be an ambassador of change we must find a way to protect ourselves.

I believe for myself and likely many others that protection was woven into my very DNA.

So, for me, and hopefully for others as well, I will now welcome those moments of distraction as a breath of fresh air and a chance to recenter and hope again.

As I live my life after a hysterectomy before 40,
(the result of years living with immense pain from endometriosis),
childless and devastated by a dream lost and daily pain reminders of this reality,
coupled with a passion for millions in bondage around our globe I am thankful for the way I was made. 

My Creator knew that through my story, which at times would seem overwhelmed by pain, I would need a "rabbit trail" to take a breath, and for that I am so very thankful.

So.....now having shared this with you, its ok if you tell my mom!! :)

#ADD
#endometriosis
#hysterectomy
#hope
#lifeafter40
#ambassadorofchange
#whentheworldistoomuch