This afternoon as I drove through downtown from my home, on my way to church, I heard this song....and I really tried to listen to more than just the words.....
I thought about all the times in life when I have wanted to do the "right thing" ....sometimes I did what I thought was right, and sometimes I just wasn't bold enough to do anything, sometimes I was just in a hurry, and then there have been, and still are times when I don't even know what the "right' thing is....
do I speak up, do I keep quiet, do I get involved or do I stay out of it, do I risk my pride to offer an opinion?!?
I don't have the answers, and I don't know that I ever will but......
today as I made a turn I make at least once on any given day a man caught my eye from a distance....He looked homeless and I immediately began to wonder what his life must be like, did he have a hungry belly, did he feel hopeless, had he ever known love? these may seem like silly thoughts to think about a random stranger who at that moment I could only see from about his ribs up......
I saw a police officer behind me and of course did the.."am I doing anything wrong" check for a second~and as I was going through the checklist I noticed the man I had seen was now walking into the street, and was walking in the middle lane of oncoming traffic. As I approached him I realized he literally had nothing. He was naked and dirty and seemed lost and unaware of cars that were trying to keep from hitting him. The police officer pulled over and before what I assumed happened did I had turned onto the next street.
This has stayed in my mind since that moment....
It is so easy to get caught up in our own little space and do what we do and not think about the world in which we live.....but tonight this man startled me out of the fog!!!! ...this man clearly has some concerns that many of us will never understand.... we have clothes on our backs, we have more than enough food to eat...... we are surrounded by people who love us, encourage us, and when need be rescue us when we make a wrong turn and travel down the dangerous road..... and we are most often in a "safe place" ( on our electronic device scanning facebook)
but for a moment let's go down this "road" with this fairly young man. I don't know if there were is any type of drug or alcohol involvement, and I don't know the state of his mind(and those are all issues that concern me greatly)....but......I wonder .....who will help him? who will love him? who will be there for him? will anyone? or will we all just be shocked and disgusted by the situation? I pray for that police officer that picked him up. Obviously, it would not have been wise for me to get involved in the situation and I knew that, but it was the police officers job and I pray that he was kind and loving and caring and that somehow through that interaction some good came of a scary and very heartbreaking moment.
I do believe that God continues to mold and shape us into the people He created us to be through the experiences He allows in our lives.(I pray that the walk down that road led to some hope for this man)....... In my life, I believe He has protected me in so many ways. I was born into a family that loved me and cared for me better than I could have ever imagined. I was taught to think for myself and to be able to wrestle with right and wrong until a clear answer was shown, not just trust someone else's truth for my own.... I was show examples every moment of "Love God, Love people" and I saw people of all "categories" treated simply as "people".....respected, cared for, shown kindness, and welcomed in without expectation or judgement.
My struggle daily is how to show that love to others......I have been wrestling with some decisions, that if I am honest are selfish ones, for quite some time now and they have consumed me. They have been all I can think about, talk about, etc...they sometimes keep me up at night and keep me out of the "moments" in the day. I think most anyone who might take the time to read this post most likely knows me, and therefor knows that I call myself a Christian....but probably has no idea of my constant wrestling match with my own salvation.....I believe at my core that God loved us first,(all of us!!!!) that He created us for a purpose (ALL of us), and that He planned in advance a purpose for us. So why do I struggle with my purpose? Why do I struggle with why my life doesn't look like I always thought it would? Why is my life chalk full of decisions that seem so difficult right now? Why am I so sensitive to things that I have no control over, and why do I feel at such a deep level? AND.... why did the experience today resonate in a way that helped me understand that through this time lately I have felt much like this man.....EXPOSED!!! A Catholic Priest that I greatly admire and studied under for about 2 years once said to me...."Kimberly, instead of trying to get OUT of your own head, why not hang out there for a while and see what you might can learn"....I AM one of THOSE people who feel at my very core and my emotions are very much a driving force in everything in my life....I have read all the books and tried all the "practices" to not always follow my feelings, and I do think there is a time and a place to trust your feelings...not always...but I also believe that we cannot deny the gift that is that emotional level of our being. So many of us try and push it down bc it doesn't always feel good and it is sometimes very scary!!
What if he/she/the world doesn't love me back? etc....
But today, when I was startled out of the fog, I was led down a road I think I will be traveling for quite sometime....maybe until the time comes when I am no longer traveling in this world......but what can I do to love better? Without expectation of reciprocation....but bc I am loved and I was created to love...
In my recent struggles I have been able to keep the secret from many people and go on pretending life is just fine, but the visual today and the sadness that it brought to my heart was an awakening...
We live in a world full of people who are hurting and struggling and just trying to take one more step.....and there are times for all of us that we aren't sure if we will be able to take that next step......lately there has been so much media attention focused on creating more division and fear in all areas of humanity...I have been broken-hearted and angry and struggled with my place in all this and I have not said a lot...but....the reality is NONE of us has it all right!!!! NOT ONE OF US!!! and we can not possibly put ourselves in someone else's circumstances and know how we would handle a certain situation.....but that is not our job....our job is simply to love....beyond all else....just love.....EVERYONE!!!.......through differences and similarities...through good times and bad.....through harmony and dissension......May we all do our job well ...atleast in this moment.....we will get to the next moment when it is time....
I thought about all the times in life when I have wanted to do the "right thing" ....sometimes I did what I thought was right, and sometimes I just wasn't bold enough to do anything, sometimes I was just in a hurry, and then there have been, and still are times when I don't even know what the "right' thing is....
do I speak up, do I keep quiet, do I get involved or do I stay out of it, do I risk my pride to offer an opinion?!?
I don't have the answers, and I don't know that I ever will but......
today as I made a turn I make at least once on any given day a man caught my eye from a distance....He looked homeless and I immediately began to wonder what his life must be like, did he have a hungry belly, did he feel hopeless, had he ever known love? these may seem like silly thoughts to think about a random stranger who at that moment I could only see from about his ribs up......
I saw a police officer behind me and of course did the.."am I doing anything wrong" check for a second~and as I was going through the checklist I noticed the man I had seen was now walking into the street, and was walking in the middle lane of oncoming traffic. As I approached him I realized he literally had nothing. He was naked and dirty and seemed lost and unaware of cars that were trying to keep from hitting him. The police officer pulled over and before what I assumed happened did I had turned onto the next street.
This has stayed in my mind since that moment....
It is so easy to get caught up in our own little space and do what we do and not think about the world in which we live.....but tonight this man startled me out of the fog!!!! ...this man clearly has some concerns that many of us will never understand.... we have clothes on our backs, we have more than enough food to eat...... we are surrounded by people who love us, encourage us, and when need be rescue us when we make a wrong turn and travel down the dangerous road..... and we are most often in a "safe place" ( on our electronic device scanning facebook)
but for a moment let's go down this "road" with this fairly young man. I don't know if there were is any type of drug or alcohol involvement, and I don't know the state of his mind(and those are all issues that concern me greatly)....but......I wonder .....who will help him? who will love him? who will be there for him? will anyone? or will we all just be shocked and disgusted by the situation? I pray for that police officer that picked him up. Obviously, it would not have been wise for me to get involved in the situation and I knew that, but it was the police officers job and I pray that he was kind and loving and caring and that somehow through that interaction some good came of a scary and very heartbreaking moment.
I do believe that God continues to mold and shape us into the people He created us to be through the experiences He allows in our lives.(I pray that the walk down that road led to some hope for this man)....... In my life, I believe He has protected me in so many ways. I was born into a family that loved me and cared for me better than I could have ever imagined. I was taught to think for myself and to be able to wrestle with right and wrong until a clear answer was shown, not just trust someone else's truth for my own.... I was show examples every moment of "Love God, Love people" and I saw people of all "categories" treated simply as "people".....respected, cared for, shown kindness, and welcomed in without expectation or judgement.
My struggle daily is how to show that love to others......I have been wrestling with some decisions, that if I am honest are selfish ones, for quite some time now and they have consumed me. They have been all I can think about, talk about, etc...they sometimes keep me up at night and keep me out of the "moments" in the day. I think most anyone who might take the time to read this post most likely knows me, and therefor knows that I call myself a Christian....but probably has no idea of my constant wrestling match with my own salvation.....I believe at my core that God loved us first,(all of us!!!!) that He created us for a purpose (ALL of us), and that He planned in advance a purpose for us. So why do I struggle with my purpose? Why do I struggle with why my life doesn't look like I always thought it would? Why is my life chalk full of decisions that seem so difficult right now? Why am I so sensitive to things that I have no control over, and why do I feel at such a deep level? AND.... why did the experience today resonate in a way that helped me understand that through this time lately I have felt much like this man.....EXPOSED!!! A Catholic Priest that I greatly admire and studied under for about 2 years once said to me...."Kimberly, instead of trying to get OUT of your own head, why not hang out there for a while and see what you might can learn"....I AM one of THOSE people who feel at my very core and my emotions are very much a driving force in everything in my life....I have read all the books and tried all the "practices" to not always follow my feelings, and I do think there is a time and a place to trust your feelings...not always...but I also believe that we cannot deny the gift that is that emotional level of our being. So many of us try and push it down bc it doesn't always feel good and it is sometimes very scary!!
What if he/she/the world doesn't love me back? etc....
But today, when I was startled out of the fog, I was led down a road I think I will be traveling for quite sometime....maybe until the time comes when I am no longer traveling in this world......but what can I do to love better? Without expectation of reciprocation....but bc I am loved and I was created to love...
In my recent struggles I have been able to keep the secret from many people and go on pretending life is just fine, but the visual today and the sadness that it brought to my heart was an awakening...
We live in a world full of people who are hurting and struggling and just trying to take one more step.....and there are times for all of us that we aren't sure if we will be able to take that next step......lately there has been so much media attention focused on creating more division and fear in all areas of humanity...I have been broken-hearted and angry and struggled with my place in all this and I have not said a lot...but....the reality is NONE of us has it all right!!!! NOT ONE OF US!!! and we can not possibly put ourselves in someone else's circumstances and know how we would handle a certain situation.....but that is not our job....our job is simply to love....beyond all else....just love.....EVERYONE!!!.......through differences and similarities...through good times and bad.....through harmony and dissension......May we all do our job well ...atleast in this moment.....we will get to the next moment when it is time....
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