How do we navigate the meadow?

"Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location,

a coordinate on a map of time.

When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place.

But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope."

Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love

I have been working on another post that I thought for sure, and had even made plans to finish up and post tonight

....until.....

I attended a guided meditation that took me on a journey I knew I needed to record.

The last post titled "The Meadow" introduces a "place" I have found myself often when things have become too difficult, and tonight I gained even more clarity of that "place"

"the forest of sorrow" IS "the meadow"

The meditation tonight was focused on 

"JOY"

I assume at this moment you are a bit confused as to why a guided meditation on Joy reveled clarity to my "meadow" experiences which have all been a result of difficulty....

(I have to admit I was surprised when I found myself going to the meadow so often as I focused on joy) 

so please allow me to explain....

During the meditation we were asked to think of a time that brought us immense joy...

The first thought that came to mind was 2 months into the relationship that I feel certain was with the 

Love of my Life. 

It was a time of immense joy and it was wonderful!!!

but....that relationship ended

and

 my mind immediately went to the sadness I still feel today (over a year later) that it is over.....

.....and I found myself in the meadow, still not knowing how I will ever get through this....

So I decided to focus on another time of great joy,

and I thought of being a child and being on the golf course with my grandfather.

.....and once again.....

sadness....

my grandfather passed away when I was 9 years old.

I was back in the meadow,  a 9 year old little girl,

lost, alone and terrified....

so I searched my thoughts for another time.

The time was when I had the opportunity to open be~lie~ve,

 a store that specialized in products for women diagnosed with breast cancer.

This dream came to me one day and in less than a year it was real!!

It was an amazing and beautiful dream realized right in front of me....

but unfortunately be~lie~ve closed and I was devastated.....

and I was right back in the meadow....

so why do these memories of great joy lead me back to the meadow?

because what leads me back to the meadow is 

.....grief.....

the loss of that "thing" that brought me great joy is now gone from my life....

lately I have felt trapped in the meadow....

....but I feel it is extremely important to mention.....

 The meadow is not a dark place.

  Actually it is very bright, as the sun from above shines down on me.....

but I still can't see because the grass is taller than I am......

I never really thought of the brightness of the meadow, but it has never been a dark place....

As I wrestle with the meaning of that,

I realize it is simple.

I have never once believed that God was not with me in the meadow. 

I have always trusted that He would guide me through the meadow....

So then why would I be fearful?

It's simple~control!!

My life is not my own...

The struggle of trying to control the outcomes in my life lead me straight to the meadow....

When my life doesn't look the way I think it should what does that mean?

 The loss of something that has brought me more joy than I can imagine ...

...is what leads me to a place of extreme grief 

and it begs the question, "if this is over...what now?"

If the relationship that I knew for certain would last forever is over, then what do I do with the dreams I had for our future?

I am currently living through a meadow experience that has been extremely difficult, there are days when I feel like I can't possibly go on...

It feels like too much!!!

I so wish I knew how long it would last, but I do not.

I do know that just like all the other meadow experiences, I have to see it through.

I have to fully grieve the loss.

(if I don't I can never truly heal~and more that ANYTHING I want to heal)

So often we feel the beginning of grief and we run....we close off....

we fill our minds with something, we get busy, we fill our time, and we try to replace what was lost with something, anything, 

so as not to feel the pain of the grief....

but if we do that, we are blocking our own healing, and future joy....

That is where I am now....I don't feel like I am ready to let the "dream die," I am terrified of what that will mean, but because I won't release it I feel like many of us have felt while waiting for someone to die...

We don't want them to go, and we don't want to let go, but we know it is inevitable and  as time ticks away we are paralyzed with fear...

even though we know that the release of this world will be such a relief for them, 

and it will also allow us to start the healing process.....

......but that place is excruciating!!!

The place I am in in this moment, as I type these words to share with you, is that excruciating place.

However, this is not because I am waiting for someone to actually pass into another realm, but I am trying to hold on to a dream that I have had for a very long time and I don't want to let it go.....

....because if the dream dies, then what?

Will I ever be fulfilled?

Will I ever recover? 

Will I have the strength to allow myself to fully experience the grief of this loss, of this dream?

I know deep down that the answer is yes, but it is terrifying, because I believe I know what is best for my life.

The truth is....if this dream is not to be realized then at my core I know God has a greater dream for my life.....

one that He has already begun to weave for me, 

while at the same time He is also preparing me, as He comforts me, to one day comfort someone else. 

Without this time in the meadow, I would not have any idea how to comfort someone else who is in this meadow....

but because He brought me here, He has a purpose for it...

He WILL bring me through it and He will use it for someone else's good and for His glory.....

So what do we do when we find ourselves in the meadow?

We look up!!!!

We look to The One who will guide and comfort us through the meadow. 

The warmth of the sun He has provided is not only for our comfort, 

but it is also the light that will allow us to be lead through the meadow.

.....this will allow us to fully grieve the loss of what ever brought us to the meadow, with the comfort of The Great Comforter. 

We are not alone!!

We will NEVER be alone!!!!

He will never leave us in the meadow alone.....

He is there with us every step of the way....

....even when it feels like everyone else has deserted us....

...and when the time has come...

.....when we have fully grieved the loss, 

we will find ourselves at the edge of the meadow, 

with the glow of the sun radiating through us.

A new creation!!!

Ready to experience joy again!!!

My prayer for you, and for me,

is that we will look up for the strength to truly grieve,

we will see the process through....

.....and then we will find ourselves at the edge of the meadow with joy in front of us!!!

During those meadow times, I often find comfort through hearing truth I know through song....

this song got me through a long time in the meadow and I pray it will do the same for you, whenever you find yourself in the meadow.....

https://youtu.be/zH6uffpLslQ