I have been thinking a lot about scars lately and all that they hold.....
A scar is a constant reminder of a wound....
....but.....
it is also a reminder of the healing that followed the wound....
it is also a reminder of the healing that followed the wound....
So.....I wonder.....
Why do we remember so clearly the pain of the wound and yet we struggle to remember the beauty in the healing?
Obviously the pain of the wound can "scar" us in various ways...
the pain may be physical.....
it may be emotional......
it can be mentally scarring....
and there are times when a scar is psychological~
meaning it's mental and emotional
meaning it's mental and emotional
The healing of the scar can take an undetermined amount of time, and unfortunately there is not a formula to the process.
......BUT......
I can tell you this....
far too often we don't see the process through...
Physical wounds in most cases heal without a lot of mental or emotional effort, but those wounds that are not physical require a significant amount of effort and dedication.
The pain of the wound can be so painful that we do everything in our power to push the pain so deep down so that it can no longer keep us trapped....we don't purposefully withhold the healing, we just think there is no way we can endure the healing process.
This process leads a lot of us to a place called
"frozen grief"
When someone experiences a loss that is so great that they feel they do not have the tools to even begin the grief process , they may displace their feelings onto something else, or they may literally freeze in time emotionally and not allow themselves to go through the process at all.
I have experienced frozen grief and I can tell you it is difficult to work through.
My frozen grief came when my mother's father passed away when I was 9 years old.
We were very close and spent a lot of time together. He was my dad's best good friend and we all spent more time on the golf course than off. I remember every part of the process, from the call when he took his last breath~to the funeral (and seeing my parents in their own state of grief and the expression of that) I remember my grandmother was the picture of poise and grace and I remember I felt so alone and confused.
For years (I mean years into adulthood!! A LONG time) a cousin of my grandfathers would bring me to tears every time I saw him because he looked just like my DanDan. I would find myself apologizing for the tears but I couldn't make them stop.
Years later I spent some time with a very wise therapist who told me that she believed I had some frozen grief and that if I wanted to truly heal and be able to celebrate my grandfather I would need to work through that.
I believe I have, although it was a long process, but now the thoughts of my grandfather bring me great joy and happiness.
The healing that I experienced through walking through the difficult grief process have allowed me to remember the wonderful things that are so special about my DanDan, and to celebrate the time I had with him.
Grief often causes us to close down and redirect our emotions, but I will say this...the beauty that comes from the healing of loosing a loved one and seeing the grief process through allows that persons life and impact on your life to live in you and through you.
That is a part of them you will always have with you!!!!
So I encourage you, when faced with grief, please do not avoid the process, but allow yourself to truly feel each part of it and know that the Great Comforter will comfort you and carry you through, even when you think you can now longer go on.
Once on the other side you will be the one to walk someone else through the process and comfort them the way you yourself were comforted.
......BUT......
I can tell you this....
far too often we don't see the process through...
Physical wounds in most cases heal without a lot of mental or emotional effort, but those wounds that are not physical require a significant amount of effort and dedication.
The pain of the wound can be so painful that we do everything in our power to push the pain so deep down so that it can no longer keep us trapped....we don't purposefully withhold the healing, we just think there is no way we can endure the healing process.
This process leads a lot of us to a place called
"frozen grief"
When someone experiences a loss that is so great that they feel they do not have the tools to even begin the grief process , they may displace their feelings onto something else, or they may literally freeze in time emotionally and not allow themselves to go through the process at all.
I have experienced frozen grief and I can tell you it is difficult to work through.
My frozen grief came when my mother's father passed away when I was 9 years old.
We were very close and spent a lot of time together. He was my dad's best good friend and we all spent more time on the golf course than off. I remember every part of the process, from the call when he took his last breath~to the funeral (and seeing my parents in their own state of grief and the expression of that) I remember my grandmother was the picture of poise and grace and I remember I felt so alone and confused.
For years (I mean years into adulthood!! A LONG time) a cousin of my grandfathers would bring me to tears every time I saw him because he looked just like my DanDan. I would find myself apologizing for the tears but I couldn't make them stop.
Years later I spent some time with a very wise therapist who told me that she believed I had some frozen grief and that if I wanted to truly heal and be able to celebrate my grandfather I would need to work through that.
I believe I have, although it was a long process, but now the thoughts of my grandfather bring me great joy and happiness.
The healing that I experienced through walking through the difficult grief process have allowed me to remember the wonderful things that are so special about my DanDan, and to celebrate the time I had with him.
Grief often causes us to close down and redirect our emotions, but I will say this...the beauty that comes from the healing of loosing a loved one and seeing the grief process through allows that persons life and impact on your life to live in you and through you.
That is a part of them you will always have with you!!!!
So I encourage you, when faced with grief, please do not avoid the process, but allow yourself to truly feel each part of it and know that the Great Comforter will comfort you and carry you through, even when you think you can now longer go on.
Once on the other side you will be the one to walk someone else through the process and comfort them the way you yourself were comforted.
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